How to Be a Better Conversationalist: The Secret to Being More Interesting and Likeable

Do you ever feel like you need to be more interesting to have more friends? Do you wish you were a better conversationalist to avoid feeling awkward standing silently when you’re at a networking event or a plus one to an event? Talking to strangers is nerve wrecking to most people - if only we could all be that person who could talk to anyone, even a brick wall.

We all want to be that person at the dinner table who people gravitate toward because of our charm, charisma and conversational skills. A “Chit-Chat Champion” if you will. But here’s the secret nobody is telling you: being more interesting is actually to be interested in others.

The Power of Listening and Asking the Right Questions

The more someone talks about themselves, the more they think you’re an interesting conversationalist. Humans love talking about themselves. So, if you can get someone to open up by showing genuine interest in their life, you’ll quickly become someone they enjoy conversing with.

Once you’ve gotten someone talking about themselves, you want to aim to ask questions that show you connect with what they’re saying, and that you relate. This signals that they can be comfortable sharing their true thoughts and feelings with you which creates a bond.

For example, if someone tells you they’ve recently traveled to Rome, instead of just saying, “That’s cool,” try something like, “That’s so interesting! What was the best thing you did there that you’d recommend to everyone?” By diving deeper into their feelings and experiences, you create a meaningful conversation. People will feel valued, and they’ll find you much more engaging.

Active Listening: The Key to Connection

What makes you even more likeable is showing that you are an active listener. It’s not just about asking questions, but also really listening and engaging with what the person is saying. If you want to show that you truly understand, take a moment to summarise what they’ve shared — but don’t overdo it. Just enough to show you’re paying attention.

For instance, after hearing about someone’s trip to Rome, you could say something like, “I had no idea it would be so busy, or that you’d have to wait in line for hours just to throw your coin in the Trevi Fountain!” This shows you’ve processed their experience and makes them feel heard.

When you focus on someone else’s experience and express genuine curiosity, they feel valued and important. This creates a stronger connection and makes you far more likeable than someone who only talks about themselves.

Remember 80% of the conversation is non-verbal. Remember your posture, you’re making eye contact, your smiling and you’re not standing in the corner looking at your phone. Your body language should convey that you’re open for the conversation to happen.

Bring the conversation full circle

As you start a conversation, the other person may bring up something new in their life or a change that is about to come. E.g. “I just moved here, we’re looking for a rental in Richmond”. At the end of the conversation when you’re wrapping things up, bring the conversation full circle by saying “it was great to meet you, good luck on finding a rental in Richmond, it’s a great area and not too far away if you’d like to catch up again.” It shows you paid attention and that you’re thoughtful - which makes you more memorable.

Invite others to your conversation

As your body language and engaging personality starts to attract more people, welcome anyone new into the conversation by introducing yourself and the people you’re currently with and catching the new person up to speed. Recap what you were just talking about so they instantly feel included and then ask them for their input.

Doing this will attract more people to your group that is clearly having the most fun and engaging conversation, and will make you remembered as the nicest, easiest person to chat to.

Give Yourself a Task

When you’re ready to leave a conversation, a way to do this that is both polite but keeps you in their mind as an interesting person is to give yourself a task. E.g. “I have been eyeing off the nachos (or insert something else great from the menu), I’m going to go order some at the bar”. This softens to blow as you exit the conversation.

This is also a great move for people who often find themselves being dragged into a long couch chat. You know when you’re at a party or a BBQ - there’s the people who are mingling, chatting to everyone - and there’s the person who stays in the same spot the whole time talking to the same person. A Chit-Chat Champion would want to make their way around to as many people as possible, but you can also take your new friend with you: “lets go grab another drink and see who else we can meet!” Being the initatior of fun and introducing your new friend to more friends will leave them thinking what a great vibe you are.

Take Care of Anyone Who Looks Out of Place

At every event, there is usually one person who doesn’t know anybody else, for example new partner or friend is being introduced to the group. Interesting and likable pepole will switch to make sure that they feel welcome. Make the new person your focus, your new job is to make sure they feel comfortable - find out about them, introduce them to others, show them around. This signals to the friend that brought their plus one that you are caring and will leave a lasting memory.

Want to Improve Your Conversational Skills?

Being a better conversationalist doesn’t require a lot of effort — just a little attention to the other person and a willingness to listen. If you found these tips helpful and want to put them in practice while expanding your social circle, check out our friend-makng events in Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast and Brisbane.